Influencing our Children's Self-Esteem (1.)

Yesterday I was mentioning Allison's all-important four A's of self-esteem: attunement, acceptance, affirmation and affection. I'll further clarify these next time.

The first one is attunement. By this she means being in tune with your child. Being able to mirror his/her thoughts and really understanding the strengths and weaknesses. Often as parents, we are hoping the child will have similar interests. The hockey or football playing dad who wants his child to take up the sport. I remember hearing of a child whose father and some siblings were avid soccer players. He was quite athletic but more interested in individual pursuits such as tennis rather than team sports. As a parent, one needs to stand back and see where the child is coming from, her temperament and characteristics rather than imposing your interests or aspirations.

Attunement is about understanding the core of the individual. Reflecting with them on their strengths and yes their weaknesses. To truly have high self-esteem one needs to be comfortable in his own skin. Parents giving unconditional love assist with this development. Affirming the child's interests and abilities is truly a gift we can give our child.


(To hear more of this discussion tune into Island Parent Radio on Village 900 (AM) or www. village900.com on Sunday February 18th at 9 am (PST).)

Self-Esteem and Children

On our radio show today, Allison and I were discussing how we as parents can influence the development of our children's self-esteem.

Our discussion began with defining self-esteem as understanding and being comfortable with our strengths and weaknesses. Allison referred to one of her favourite writers on the subject, Dorothy Corkill-Briggs, who described it beautifully: “High self-esteem is not a noisy conceit. It is a quiet sense of self-respect, a feeling of self-worth. When you have it deep inside, you're glad you're you.” It is when a child/person is values him/herself for who he/she is.

How can we as parents enhance our children's self-esteem. Well Allison and I talked about some of the pitfalls that can lead to a lower self-esteem. Competition is one of the areas where our desire to be the prettiest, fastest, smartest, strongest and we're loudly comparing ourselves to others. This certainly leads to a winner and loser scenario.

The next is referred to by Allison as the “Being Good” pitfall. When a parent's or other's expectation is for a child to be quiet, not be curious, hide strong feelings, be obedient, we are setting the child up to be seen as a “good” child and not really an individual. I can look back on the students I dealt with over the years who pushed the limits. They were not “good” kids but I also know they were not “bad” kids. I know for a fact, that although they drove us crazy, they are successes today and they a have a good self-esteem.

The last pitfall is Perfectionism. If as parents, we demand more than the child is capable of or witholds further approval and acceptance, we are setting the child up to be reaching for perfection which, I suspect, is unattainable. The underlying suggestion is that the child may be accepted if...

Allison presented four A's of self-esteem: attunement, acceptance, affirmation and affection. I'll further clarify these next time.

(To hear this discussion tune into Island Parent Radio on Village 900 (AM) or www. village900.com tonight at 7 pm (PST) or Sunday morning at 9 am (PST).)