New Beginnings - Back to School

It's hard to believe that September is just around the corner, actually one more sleep and with it brings a new school year. Funny how we almost equate the school year to a new year. Our rhythm of life is dictated by the seasons and the Fall brings not only a new school year but the feeling of fresh starts.

In our latest issue of Island Parent, a few of the articles speak of the school year in terms of beginnings. Although my two are finished with public education—one having just graduated in June—the new school year shopping for books and supplies has subsided.

But a new beginning it still is. In some of my earliest blogs, I wrote of change being an integral part of life and this Fall our household is seeing a dramatic change. Our daughter, our youngest of two, has been accepted into "Katimavik"and will be heading off for nine months to live with a group of eleven 18 -21 years and work in 3 different communities across Canada. Truly a life-changing experience but we will not see her until next June unless we venture to one of the communities for one of her few 48 hour leaves. What a dramatic change for our household.

Our daughter on the one hand is quite excited about her adventure but is emotional as this week has been about saying goodbye to many friends who are departing for other parts of the world. She is enthuiastic about the prospects that lay ahead but sad to let go of seeing many of her friends on a day to day, week to week basis. She has been quiet and teary in the midst of happy rejoicing.

Each Fall brings new changes and new beginnings, some relatively minor but most with some significance for either the parent (first child off to Kindergarten) or child (going from elementary to middle school). As parents we need to have some compassion for what each family member may be going through, the anxiety that they may be feeling or the emotions brought on from impending change and newness.

Whatever the magnitude of change that comes to pass in your household, by recognising that change is forever with us and that we can make it a positive or negative experience by how we as parents face it. We are the models—the mentors—that our children look up to for reassurance and support.

Parent Education

I have been asked to facilitate a series for Parents of Teens in the late fall. Well actually on finding the organization was looking for a facilitator, I thought why not me. I am publisher of a parenting magazine. I taught school for many years. And I worked with teens in summer camps. I am also just at the end of my "career" as a parent of teens. What better qualifications?

In thinking about this upcoming session, I am gravitating to articles and books on teens. I am also thinking about what "pearls of wisdom" I can pass along.

Well I guess the first thing is that as much experience as I've had, there are certainly many situations that I have not come across personally. As parents, we often are faced with situations that are new or at least a little different than ones we've encountered before or heard about. We're also not always prepared for the unexpected when it hits us from out of nowhere. How do we cope? How will I answer the questions or respond to the situations that participants may bring up?

Parent Education isn't about easy answers. Quick solutions do not usually work. There is really no tried or true formula that we can conjure up—as much as we'd like to.

Often the answers lie within us. From our past experiences, conversations with other parents, being open to new or even old ideas, all help us deal with the dilemmas facing parents.We take the ideas from the various sources—books, interviews, magazines, shows,etc.—and use those that most suit our values and beliefs.

Another thought that I've had is that we as parents are the models—the mentors—to our children. We need to think more about our actions than our words. What we do, how we walk tghe talk is so important an influence on our children's life. An example of this is how parents continually jump in to save the child and I don't mean in a life and death situation but in some day to day situations. What message does that send to the child? One is that the child may soon feel incompetent and totally reliant on the parent. When a parent nags about something but does not follow through on consequences or actually ends up doing the chore. What message are we sending the child?

At the end of the LIFE Seminar courses that Allison Rees puts on many parents admit that the children's behaviours have changed because the parents behaviour has changed.

Parent Education is an ongoing process. When we get in "ruts" or habits, we really have to look at our behaviours, not our children's behaviours, to see what's really going on.