Four Crucial C's

Next week I will be interviewing Alyson Schafer, author, psychotherapist and parenting expert for Island Parent Radio. (It will be aired in May.)

Her recent book, Honey I Wrecked the Kids has some interesting thoughts, ideas which I feel are worth looking at. Her professional training is in Adlerian family counselling and parenting.

One aspect of the book are about the causes of misbehaviour in children. She talks about the FOUR Crucial C's which resonate with me as I look back at my previous blogs and interviews with Dr. Michael Ungar of Dalhousie University who wrote Too Safe For Their Own Good - How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive and more recently We Generation - Raising Socially Responsible Children. Dr. Ungar refers to the 4 C's in the former title (Competent, Caring Contributors to their Community) and the four ideas that children need Roots, Wings, Audience and Compassion in the latter book.

The Four Crucial C's that Alyson writes about and I feel parents (and teachers) need to reflect on are: Connected (belonging), Capable (able to manage), Count (worthwhile), and Courageous (make mistakes and handle the outcome). Misbehaviour, or as she prefers to call it "mistaken approach," of each of these is attention seeking, bossing others around, hurting or discounting others and avoid mistakes at all costs resulting in being incapable.

Something to think about as we work with our children and they exhibit some frustrating behaviours.