Expectations for Accountability and Responsibility

Between the ages of 5 and 10 years is a time to teach responsibility. As this age group is in elementary school, they can take on responsibilty for much of their school work and learn one of life's lessons - do your work before play. Their responsibility at this stage includes bringing home their homework, making sure they have everything they need for school each day, etc. Our responsibilty is not to nag but to help them to organize themselves and provide a suitable environment for homework. As mentioned on the subject of homework on the Island Parent Forum, parents are there for support but not there to do the homework or project.

This is a great time to help our children to solve their problems. Don't tell them how to get ready for school but ask them what they might do to organize themselves.

Often as parents we tend to override our children when it comes to solving their problems. If we can step back and get them to start to solve their own problems, they will be better off and better able to handle any future difficulties. Of course, we must always take into account their age—a five year old needs more guidance than the ten year old.

The next stage Allison mentioned was the 11 to 15 year old. During this stage we look at Rules and Rights. The responsibilty and accountability part of the equation comes into play here.

Some examples of these include:

Rules - You are responsible for letting me know where you are and to let me know if that changes. If there is a certain time for you to be home, then you are to be home at that time or let me know why you won't be. You need to contribute to our home by tidying up after yourself and doing some chores (cleaning, meal preparation, etc.). Keep yourself safe.

Rights - You have the right to establish friendships, we all (parents and children) have a right to some freedom and peace. You won't be nagged. If you make a mistake, we will help you out. Call us “no questions asked”.

A couple of cautionary notes for parents to remember:

DON'T make it hard for your kid to be honest. If you jump all over them everytime they make a mistake or get into trouble, they will stop telling you.

DON'T get stuck on being right all the time.

Listen to and watch how you talk. Problem solve as a family. Find mentors for your children—family or friends. Watch the values you are teaching both the positive and negative — Walk the Talk.

Next time I'll put down some thoughts about the 16 years and up age group.