Myths of Marriage

It is interesting to bring up the word conflict isn't it? We immediately think of "fighting" and certainly that is what a lot of conflict looks like. But really, conflict means that two people or more have different needs or views and they can either work them out, agree to disagree or I guess they could have a huge fight, bring up all kinds of other unresolved issues and then not talk for a few days until they forget what they were fighting about! There are different variations but imagine never disagreeing with your partner. Working things out means we turn conflict into commitment. Not being lovey-dovey and agreeing on everything but having honest, direct communication. David Richo in his book, How To Be An Adult in Relationship, page 129 "A leaky faucet is not a tragedy to the householder with tools and skill. Our conflicts can have wonderful results for us if we show mutual respect and use tools that help us cooperate rather than strategies that show we're right." He also states that, "We need conflict in order to evolve from romantic projection to mature self-affirmation.

I was just saying the other day, If I didn't have some conflict with my teens, I would smother them. Their needs and my needs are different now as they should be and that is what helps them separate from me. So conflict stops us from being a symbiotic blob (not blog) and allows us to be different, separate and still be loved.