Good and Bad Language of Parenting

Perhaps we should discard the words good and bad from our parental vocabulary.

In this month's Cut It Out! (November 2007) column in Island Parent, Allison Rees of LIFE Seminars writes about The Good Child. She starts by saying that “Effective parents produce normal children, not "good" children.”

It's all in the words and how we use them. To talk about a good boy or girl does not really say anything to our children. They only learn to comply or seek praise. There is no real development in their psychological realm.

Our language to children needs to be sincere and interactive. Talking about them or their behaviour being good or bad implies judgement. Too often I hear parents talking to their children in a way to manipulate situations in the parent's favour, not allowing the child to be more independent, more curious.

Then when we talk with a child or youth, we start to use language which invites their participation. When looking at a piece of art work, describe what you see or what is interesting to you about it. Let the child tell you why she created it or used certain colours, materials, etc. All of these do not imply judgement—they do not scream good or bad.

I often cringe when I hear somebody remark about a good boy or good girl. (I know that I used to use those words with my children but I now realize how limiting and meaningless are these statements.)

Next time before you utter the words GOOD or BAD, try to think of another way to say it that produces a dialogue and interesting interchange of ideas. A way to let you know what the other person is really thinking.