Developing Healthy Self-Esteem in our Children (2)

Yesterday I mentioned the Self-Esteem Pitfalls that Allison Rees talks about in her LIFE Seminars course entitled the Parent-Child Connection.

As parents assisting in the development of healthy self-esteem in our children Allison speaks of the 3 "A's" and then has added a fourth "A" which gives a further boost to self-esteem.

Acceptance is just that! Accepting our children for who they are and not trying to make them into replcas of ourselves or what we want them to be. Each child through nature has certain characteristics and as parents we need to accept those traits. Some children are not really interested in sports or music or art—it is not in their make-up. We can offer them opportunities to try things out but do not expect them to latch onto everything. Too often I have seen parents having unrealistic expectations of their son/daughter.

The next "A" is Affirmation. By understanding our children, knowing their interests and aptitudes allows us to give them the support and affirmation they need in developing their healthy self-esteem.

Affection is not just the hugs—although they are important—but the kindness in the way you speak and the reflective listening you exhibit with your child. Loving actions help children feel safe and accepted.

Finally Attunement is an extension of affirmation. Attunement is when you really know your child and her likes and dislikes. You understand where they are coming from with their words and behaviours. Being sincerely curious about your child's likes and dislikes, shows your interest. Watch out for stepping over boundaries with older children/youth and not being intrusive but certainly to shape you observations and questions that show your genuine care for the child as an individual person.

Unconditional love is the overriding theme for developing this healthy self-esteem in our children.

For more on this, tune into Island Parent Radio on Village 900, on Sunday morning (May 27) at 9 am (PST) and hear our complete discussion.