The Importance of Speaking

You enter the living room and toys and books are strewn all over the floor. Your 8 year old has left the room and is playing elsewhere. You are frustrated as this is not the first time and guests are coming for dinner in an hour and picking up is the last thing you want to be doing.

What do you do? What do you say?

Getting angry and upset is not the solution. In fact it may lead to a minor battle.

On Island Parent Radio today, Allison and I talked about such a scenario and the importance of the language you use.The speaking circle that she suggests includes the following 4 segments:Making an observation; Stating your feelings; Stating your needs; and finally Making a request.

Using the above example you can make the observation ("I see there are books and toys all over the floor"). Simply what you see with no value judgement or general comment attached. ("You are messy" or "What a mess!")

"I am frustrated." is your feeling. To say you are angry lays some guilt or puts out a negative message which may inhibit what you want the desired outcome to be.

The need part may be simply: "I need some order."

Ending with a request such as, "Please pick up these toys and books and put them in your room before 5 pm."

This all seems simple, but the speaking circle allows you to be clear with whomever you are dealing and comes from "I" statements. It avoids unnecessary conflict with people and solves some problems before they escalate.



For more on this and other parenting topics, tune into Island Parent Radio on Village 900, Tuesday evenings at 7 pm (PST) and repeated Sunday mornings at 9 am (PST).