Risky Behaviours (continued)

The conversations we as parents have with teens (and children) need to be respectful and enlightening. Dr. Ungar, in our radio interview, writes in his book that we need to change our language to show our care and genuine curiousity.

How many times have you asked your teen (sometimes pre-teen) a question about their day and received a grunt for a reply. The one word answers to our questions, certainly do not really count as a two-way conversation. But we adults often try the closed question like “How was your day?” to receive the obligatory one word answer of a grunt.

To be genuinely curious is to elicit answers that give our children the opportunity for our teens to let us know, in a non-threatening way, what they are doing and thinking. Michael talks in his book suggests that if we are to have new perspectives about our children we need to use new language.

Five points he makes are:

1) Don't tell, share. Share information about an adult's life experience.
2) Not knowing is a good place to start. Being genuinely curious as I mentioned above shows a sincere interest in what he/she likes/dislikes, feels and thinks.
3) Favour choice over advice. Giving children/youth choices will win over advice any time.
4) Share from the heart. Let the teen know what experiences you had and what you felt about them.
5) Being there, now and forever. I feel that lots of parents seem to give up on their teens because their teens seem to not want them in their lives. It is more that the teen wants the parent in their life just not the controlling parent.


(Our interview with Dr. Michael Ungar on Island Parent Radio airs on Village 900 Tuesday April 3 at 7 pm PST/ repeated Sunday April 8th at 9 am PST or at http://www.village900.com)