Risky Behaviours

We had the opportunity to have a lengthy radio interview with Michael Ungar, author of TOO SAFE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive. It is a great read for parents of teens and pre-teens. Lots of food for thought.

What I really took away from it was the desire to look at my and other teens in a different way. To try to understand their risky behaviours, to be curious about why they are seeking responsibility, to talk to them about their view of the world and their place in it.

Four powerful messages that Michael talks about as being important and coveted by children and teens are the chance to hear:

• You belong
• You're trustworthy
• You're responsible
• You're capable

Dr. Ungar in his practice of working with teens, finds that these four messages seem to be standard in teens who are experimenting in high risk and dangerous behaviours as well as many teens that we encounter in our schools and recreation centres, etc.

Teens who end up in gang-type situations are seeking a sense of belonging, being trusted by others, having some responsibility and control over their lives and seen as capable. They are seeking approval from others. If they are not achieving this with their family or in their school, they will turn to outside groups to achieve these goals of risk-taking or responsibilty-seeking.

We, as adults, may not approve of their choice but if we look at it from this perspective it makes sense. What Dr. Ungar proposes is that for the teens in our lives who are experimenting with high risk and potentially detrimental behaviours, we must help them find more suitable endeavours and outlets for their desire for risk or responsibility seeking.

With younger children, we will see examples of their desire to seek some physical and emotional challenges. Again we need to help encourage their exploring and not squelch them at every turn with overprotective comments such as “wait until you're older”. We need to assist them with incremental challenges which give them a sense of achievement and overcoming a challenge. Talk to them about the challenge confronting them and how we can assist them. The roadblocks—the NO's—we throw up only make this type of child want it more.

Parents need to listen to and understand what their child or teen is seeking. We need to give them some positive responses to their requests for some risk-taking. It's all about growth and maturing. Our job is to help them along and support them in ways that make sense to them and us.


(Island Parent Radio airs on Village 900 Tuesday April 3 at 7 pm PST/ repeated Sunday April 8th at 9 am PST or at http://www.village900.com))