Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Babies lying (i.e. not telling the truth)

As parents, we often discuss the philosophical issues surrounding this behaviour in our children.

But babies...

an article in the Globe & Mail Sneaky babies learn to lie before they talk caught my eye. Upon reading the article that cited a study from the University of Portsmouth, I realized, from some of their examples, that babies can or do indeed lie.

I have witnessed babies who have cried to get the attention of the parent but are not really distressed. One mother noted that she watched her baby cry then stop and wait for a response, then cry again.

Babies are really looking for the social interaction. The cause and effect of learning is very much a part of their learning curve. The article and the study both contend that they are being manipulative but not necessarily being deceitful as they have not really wrestled with the rights and wrongs of lying.

This is where parents need to really look at the behaviours of their child(ren) and realise that we don't always have to respond to their every cry. One parent of 6 that I know had triplets and she just couldn't be there every time they cried. She learned very quickly—to save her sanity and give her time to rest—when the cry is one of distress and need.

Parents of only children sometimes need to put things in perspective and not be available at every whim or cry of the child. They will survive.

That's what I believe anyway.

1 Comments:

At August 29, 2007 at 8:28 AM , Blogger Judith said...

How interesting that we judge what a child is "up to" with our adult eyes! To me, a child who cries, then stops to listen, is using the only tool s/he has learned thus far in order to communicate: "I want you. Here. Now." This is an opportunity for a parent or caregiver to acknowledge the child, explain that "I am busy right now, but will attend to you when I have more time, in just a few minutes." In spite of perhaps lacking the ability to respond in words, the child will understand the gist of what you are saying, and that you are, indeed, still part of their world!
Children live in the moment. Their needs are relatively simple.
They are simply learning that they can communicate. As far as babies "lying"... Children learn that handy mechanism directly from the adults around them soon enough: Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, "let's pretend..." are some examples that adults teach children. I'm sure we can all remember when we discovered that the tooth fairy was a lie.
Just so we all realize it: no amount of parental justification or explanation makes the knowledge that our parents lied to us with these "harmless" pretenses, go away.

 

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